


HEVAEN

by panplantgirl



Series: klance week 2016 [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Confesions, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'll go overboard later then, Internalized Homophobia, Lol you thought you were getting kisses, M/M, Tbh so did i, eh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7699996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panplantgirl/pseuds/panplantgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without losing a part of me, how do I get to heaven?</p>
            </blockquote>





	HEVAEN

Keith was terrified. He’d woken up from a dream just moments ago, the same one he’d been having for the past two weeks. In the dream, he’d be with Lance, just talking and being their usual selves until Lance would lean in and kiss him. Keith knew, in the back of his mind, it was wrong. He couldn’t be with a guy, let alone  _ Lance.  _ Lance practically treated him like a brother! He would probably  _ hate  _ Keith if he ever tried something on him.  Soon, everyone else would hate him, too. Soon, everyone else would find out. Soon, everyone else would know.  _ Soon, soon, soon, soon, soon. _

“Keith?” Keith looked across the room at his roommate staring at him from his own bed.  _ Lance.  _ This was their fourth year rooming together, and they’d be graduating from university soon. “Keith, are you alright?”

He unsuccessfully fought back tears as he rocked himself back and forth, his tears becoming sobbing, which became heaving, gasping for breath.  _ Panic attack. _ Another one. Ever since the dreams had begun, Keith’s panic attacks had become more and more frequent. 

“Keith…” He heard the box springs of Lance’s bed squeal in protest as Lance stood, making his way over to Keith on his own bed. “Keith, c’mere, buddy.”

The bed dipped behind Keith as Lance sat, legs loosely straddling Keith as he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy and placed his chin atop the mullet Lance claimed to hate so much.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’ve got you…” Lance slowed Keith’s rocking, humming softly a song that’d always helped Keith with his panic attacks, Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg. It seemed cheesy, of course, but it always managed to pull Keith out of the depths of his mind. Slowly, after what seemed to be hours of this, Keith relaxed into Lance’s chest, arms splayed out across the bed.

“What was it this time?” Lance murmured, relaxing back against the headboard. Keith shook his head, turning his body so that his cheek rested just below Lance’s collarbone and his arms hung loosely around his neck.

“Another time.”

 

__________

  
  


Another time happened to be that morning. Neither of them had classes, so they got to do whatever they pleased that day.

“My sexuality.” Keith announced. Lance frowned down at him. Neither had moved since they woke up, they were merely on their phones, sitting in each other’s presence. 

“What? What about it?” Lance questioned, thoroughly confused.

“That’s why I had that panic attack.” He mumbled into Lance's bare chest. The fact that Lance slept shirtless drove Keith crazy. 

“Oh.” Keith had come out to his friend their second year of living together when Lance came back to the dorm to see Keith with another man. He wasn’t all that surprised, nor worried, for that matter. One of the first things Lance told Keith when they met was that he was bisexual, and Keith had better not have a problem with that.

“I know it’s wrong. Everyone in my family except for my parents were homophobic. We live in a conservative area. Constantly, I’m reminded that I’m disgusting. I’m weird. I’m abnormal. I’ll burn in hell. Lance, I don’t want to go to hell.” Keith felt like an annoying five-year-old complaining that they don’t want to take a nap. He hated himself for it. Lance merely stroked his hair, smiling fondly.

“If you’re going to hell, then so am I.” Lance gave his signature shit-eating grin. “I  _ am _ bi, aren’t I?”

Keith hated that grin at first. He hated it with all of his being. Now, he’d learned to love it. Now, he wanted to see that grin whenever he could, because that grin meant Lance, that grin meant  _ home. _

“What brought on the panic attack?” Lance’s voice was softer now, amusement replaced with genuine worry.

“A dream.”

_ Oh.  _ A  _ dream.  _ Lance knew all about dreams. The good, the bad, the scary, the funny, the implausible, the ones that seemed almost real and scared the living  _ shit _ out of Lance. He was a frequent dreamer, even as a child.

“Well, what kind of dream?” He knew he was prying. He knew it was wrong, in the back of his mind. He also knew he couldn’t stop himself. He hadn’t taken his ADHD medicine yet, therefor he had no filter and a burning curiosity in his stomach. 

“A dream where… I was with a  _ guy. _ And me and this  _ guy _ kissed. Everyone saw. Shiro, Allura, Hunk, Pidge, even Allura’s weird uncle, Coran. Not only them, but my family. My  _ halmi  _ and  _ haraboji _ , my  _ sachons  _ and  _ ajuumas _ and  _ samchons.  _ All of them. They saw me, and they hated me.” Keith had left out a bit of the truth, not mentioning that the  _ guy  _ was Lance himself.

“What about me? Was I in the dream?” Lance cursed himself for sounding so needy and selfish. 

“Uh…  _ yes.  _ You comforted me after everyone found out and hated me. It’s probably because I know that it’s difficult to be a homophobic bisexual, and I’m already out to you.” Once again, not a complete lie. Lance  _ had  _ comforted him, but in the dream, he was also the one he’d kissed. The one everyone had  _ seen  _ him kiss.

“Okay.” Lance mumbled. He was satisfied with the answer.

“I’ve been having this same dream for two weeks.”

“What!?”

Keith sighed, for he had been expecting this reaction.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t important!”

“Of  _ course _ it’s important, you dimwit! I know all about dreams! I could  _ help  _ you!”

“I don’t need help! Besides, maybe I didn’t want to tell you! Maybe I wanted to handle things on my own for once! Maybe I wanted to be okay without relying on  _ you,  _ or  _ Shiro,  _ or  _ Hunk,  _ or anybody else!” Keith had sat up, his legs folded underneath him and Lance’s legs on either side of him. The blue-eyed boy looked hurt, staring up at Keith with his kicked-puppy stare he only used when he was hurt. Keith felt guilty immediately. He slouched, hanging his head against Lance’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” Keith murmured, his breath fanning out across Lance’s bare stomach. “I’m sorry. You do so much for me and I do nothing in return. I’m sorry, Lance, I’m so sorry.”

Lance didn’t move. He was thinking about what Keith had said. Keith told him  _ everything,  _ right? Because that’s what best friends did, and Keith was Lance’s best friend. Was Lance Keith’s best friend? He’d known Shiro for longer… yeah, Shiro is Keith’s best friend. They were connected at the hip before Keith ended up rooming with Lance. Hell, Keith was Shiro’s adopted brother! Well, Shiro wasn’t there at that moment, and Lance had to take his spot as Keith’s best friend. Disregard all other feelings, because  _ Keith  _ was all that mattered at that moment. Keith needed a best friend, and Lance would fill that spot, even if that  _ did  _ mean an automatic friend-zone.

“It’s alright, Keith. That’s what friends are for.” Keith looked up at a smiling Lance, eyes red and rubbed raw.

“Friendships are supposed to be mutually beneficial.” He muttered, falling onto Lance and curling into a ball.

“Ours is! I get good music,  _ great  _ scary-movie cuddling, someone to practice my pick-up lines on, someone who can match my mad Mario Kart skills, someone who accepts me, someone who knows me well enough to take care of me… What am I gonna do without you, Keith? When we graduate and move out of the dorms?”

“We could live together?” Keith suggested. It was quietly, almost inaudible. 

“What?” Of course, that meant Lance couldn’t hear him.

“We could live together.” Keith repeated, a little louder. Lance grinned.

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah!” 

Lance’s enthusiasm made Keith smile a bit. This man would be the death of him, with his grins and his laughs and his cheesy pick-up lines and his hair and his eyes and his muscles… Keith ignored his thoughts.

“Hey, Keith?” The mood shifted. Lance sounded hesitant, almost scared.

“Mm?”

“Who was it that you kissed in the dream?”

There was a pause. So much went down in that pause. Thoughts raced through each man’s brain like wildfire. Should he tell Lance? Will Keith answer? Should he lie to Lance? If so, who will Keith say? 

“Um… his face was kind of blurry and unidentifiable. I couldn’t tell.” Keith mumbled. Lance knew he was lying from the way he wouldn’t meet his gaze, his ears turned pink, and he chewed the inside of his cheek. He was tempted to let it go, but…

“No. You’re lying.” Once again, the lack of ADHD medicine was showing. Keith buried his face in Lance’s stomach, his face and neck matching the red fuzzy pants Lance had stolen from Keith and was now wearing.

“You’re right. I knew the guy. I know him really well.”

Lance had his suspicions, but didn’t want to say anything. He wasn’t expecting Keith to speak for him.

“You know him really well, too. I think I know him better, though. He even said he’d come with me into hell.” 

Lance knew before the name was dropped who it was.

“It’s you.”

By that point, Keith looked ready to dig his own grave and bury himself alive.

“I thought as much.”

Keith chuckled dryly, sitting up.

“I’ll go now. I understand.”

“No, you don’t.”

Keith stared at Lance, face void of any emotions. Lance had shifted so that he now leaned forward slightly, no longer leaning against the headboard.

“I have a question.”

Lance was grasping at strings with this one.

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?”

_ “Fuck,  _ yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> pls take this i wrote it on day two for day three but published it at 12 am on day four im irresponsible and doing my best


End file.
